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Senator John Fetterman Goes Vogue

Updated: Oct 13

For those resting comfortably under a rock or in a cave with no Internet service, I have some curious news for you. Peculiar Pennsylvania Senator John Fetterman, who rarely shows up for work and can’t process his work when he does show up, has achieved a historic Senate change. Due to Fetterman’s sartorial peccadilloes, Senator Majority Leader Chuck Schumer has released senators—and only senators—from the Senate floor dress code. Henceforth, senators—and only senators—may wear whatever their self-indulgent little hearts desire.

Fashionista Fetterman goes all in for over-the-hill athlete/ bordering-on-hobo look, but oh, just imagine what vistas this opens up for more creative senators.

I see Sheldon Whitehouse dressed as the unpopular antagonist Sheldon Plankton in SpongeBob SquarePants, who serves nothing but chum to the few critters who pay any attention to him or his business.

I see Bernie Sanders in a Stalin tunic and Crazy Mazie Hirono in a Buddhist Kasaya robe.

Ever the traditionalist, Schumer has announced he will continue wearing a suit, so I see him in a traditional Dashiki suit made of Kente cloth.

Schumer has decided to change the longstanding dress code in order to indulge the preferences of the giant man-child Fetterman. Like an indulgent parent of a rebellious child, Schumer has decided to abandon rules rather than discipline the wayward child. Symbols matter. Even leftists believe that, which is why they have purloined/appropriated the rainbow for the various iterations of their flag of allegiance to sexual anarchy. The importance of symbols explains why leftists are tearing down monuments and changing the names of sports’ teams. Dress codes are symbols.

Dress codes signify respect and honor for an event or institution. For example, men and women show their respect through attire when attending formal church weddings, christenings, and funerals. Visitors to the Vatican must cover their shoulders at all times. Women are not permitted to wear low-cut or crop tops, hats or caps must be removed, and all offensive tattoos must be covered.

The United States Senate is a place worthy of respect and honor. A dress code for senators signifies their respect for the institution, America’s history, and the people who elected them. It also demonstrates to those around the world who may yet see America as a shining city on a hill that Americans treasure their country.

In keeping with American culture’s solipsism, narcissism, laziness, disrespect for essential cultural institutions, and general slovenliness, the Senate under Schumer’s corrosive leadership is deferring to the habits of the lazy, slovenly, disrespectful, self-indulgent narcissist John Fetterman. Understanding that traditions and symbols matter, Republican senators are justifiably angry about Schumer’s unilateral and elitist diktat to the sergeant-at-arms to stop enforcing the dress code—for just senators. They have sent this letter to Schumer:

For more than 230 years, the United States Senate has served the American people with honor and dignity. As members of this esteemed body, we understand the seriousness our positions require.
The Senate is a place of honor and tradition, and the Senate floor is where we conduct the business of the American people. It is where we debate the policies which impact every American family and, when necessary, it is where we must make the gravest decision imaginable – whether to send our fellow Americans into battle to defend the freedoms we all hold dear. The world watches us on that floor and we must protect the sanctity of that place at all costs.
Allowing casual clothing on the Senate floor disrespects the institution we serve and the American families we represent. We the undersigned members of the United States Senate write to express our supreme disappointment and resolute disapproval of your recent decision to abandon the Senate’s longstanding dress code for members, and urge you to immediately reverse this misguided action.

Substantive cultural change, whether for good or ill, rarely occurs through seismic singular events. Commonly, substantive cultural change—including the insalubrious, radical changes we are witnessing in America today—happens slowly through the accretion of incremental changes. Too often the incremental changes that lead to destruction are ignored or dismissed as inconsequential.

Small-minded people with little knowledge of history, no overarching worldview, and occluded vision ignore both the forest and the trees. Schumer needs to tell Fetterman to put on a suit or stay home in his jammies.


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